ReImagine

In high school I was a friend of Herbert Orin Tubbs, a scrappy country boy from Alabama who loved to kill snakes, shoot guns and play basketball.  Herbert, despite what you might imagine from my description, was quite intelligent, and when he graduated was offered a full scholarship to a good private university. Surprisingly Herbert, turned down the scholarship, stayed home and went to a local community college part-time. When I asked him why he turned down the scholarship, he said, “I didn’t feel that tinkle in my nose!” He went on to explain, I won’t say yes to anything unless I feel a tinkle in my nose. I believe its God’s way of talking to me.” Over the next few years that tinkle, apparently, led him to quit college, float between various odd jobs and chase a girl across the country.

We all know someone who speaks with authority about how God or destiny has lead them to make certain decisions. If you are like me, you relish the ring of authority and confidence this brings to a person. But at the same time you are suspicious of such idiosyncratic declarations.  In the most extreme instances, people hear voices that lead them to shoot presidents or go on wild goose chases.  Without dismissing the possibility of clear divine guidance, it takes some patience to discern the path that is opening for each of us.  The ancient voices of scripture offers clear guidance about some ways that are better than others, but this doesn’t always help us know what to do on a Tuesday afternoon. 

It’s hard to know how to get to where you are going unless you know where you are to begin with. In the Quaker tradition seekers are encouraged to listen to the voice of the Spirit, read the circumstances of their lives and receive the wise insight of advisors. Sometimes we need help from others to distinguish between the authentic voice of the Spirit and the phantom voice of our culture or the monkey voices in our heads.  And we need honest feedback from those who know us best to help us recognize our blind spots, self-deceptions and unrealized dignity.

When I was in my early twenties I felt extremely competent and on track with my aspirations and goals. My path was relatively untested. I tended to believe that I was gradually growing out of any of my flaws. But as time passed my view of the world and of myself became more and more nuanced and complicated. People gave me sometimes very painful feedback on my performance, character and capacity.  I often wondered why they didn’t value and utilize all of my supreme talents and capabilities more—and why they didn’t overlook my deficiencies like I did.

Because of the brokenness of our humanity, there is an inevitable gap between how we see ourselves and who we really are. Perhaps as we progress our lives begin to feel more complex and difficult because we become more aware and in touch with reality. We can go several places with this dawning realism. (1) We can choose to deny our vulnerability and brokenness by rejecting or dismissing the feedback we receive; (2) We can become overwhelmingly discouraged, depressed and devastated—choosing fatalism by believing that failure disqualifies us from our dreams; or, (3) We can embrace our vulnerability with a sense of hope, humility and determination to follow the caring voice of the Spirit into greater possibilities.

When Jesus approached Peter to invite him into his enterprise, Peter replied, “Go away from me Lord, I am a sinful man.” Jesus helped Peter realize that there was something of dignity to his life beyond the realism of his brokenness. The apostle Paul recognized that he wasn’t even qualified to accurately evaluate himself, because there was something divine at work in his life greater than himself. At one point in his life he wrote,  “I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court; indeed, I do not even judge myself. My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me. Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait till the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of people's hearts. At that time each will receive their praise from God.”

This Learning Lab is designed to help support you choosing to face who you really are AND from where you are to find a source of hope, courage and momentum to take your next steps towards vibrancy. The goal is to learn to more consistently choose things that affirm your dignity and propel you into your purpose. We will explore two exercises that will push you toward healthy realism.

EXERCISE 1: PRACTICE EXAMEN. Spend a few minutes before bed reflecting on your day (When was I aware of God’s presence, energy and love? When did I feel alone? What am I grateful for?) Ask God to reveal areas for change and growth.

“But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.” John 14:26

EXERCISE 2: INVITE FEEDBACK FROM TRUSTED VOICES. Send feedback request letters to 5-7 trusted friends, elders or mentors. Feel free to modify the questions to suit your personal sensibilities. Also think of a decision or issue where you are seeking greater clarity and write out a description to send along with the other feedback questions.

 “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.” Proverbs 15:22

“Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart,
       and the pleasantness of one's friend springs from their earnest counsel.”  Proverbs 27:9

“The way of a fool seems right to [them], but a wise [person] listens to advice.” Proverbs 12:15

THE FEEDBACK YOU ARE REQUESTING: 

AFFIRM MY STRENGTHS & POTENTIAL:

•    In what contexts have you seen me most empowered and alive?
•    What do you see as my strengths and gifts?
•    What do you think I was made to do? Where do you see me in 5, 10 or 15 years?
•    Where do you sense God at work in my life?  What is my best contribution to the world? How do I best serve those around me?

HELP ME BECOME MORE AWARE OF GROWTH AREAS:

•    What are my blind spots? Are their any areas where you sense that I lack self-awareness or sensitivity to others? Are there unhelpful ways that I affect the people around me that I might not be aware off?
•    How do I generally come off to people? What impressions do people have of me? Are there positive or negative comments that people make after being with me that would be constructive for me to be aware of? 
•    Where do you sense a need for greater wholeness, growth or maturity in my life?

SHARE YOUR WISDOM AND INSIGHT:

•    What cautions, concerns or advice would you share with me at this time in my life?
•    Right now I am trying to gain clarity on the following life planning decision: (fill in description)
•    The questions I am asking about this issue are: (describe)
•    Knowing the kind of person that I am, what other insights would you share with me about this issue and my questions?

WHO TO INCLUDE IN YOUR CIRCLE OF SUPPORT?

•    People who know you well and are aware of both your dignity and your blind spots
•    People who are safe and can be trusted to give constructive feedback.
•    People who have made an investment in your life (mentors, teachers, employers)
•    People who have a stake in your future.